So Long, Oprah's Vajayjay...

Thu, May 26, 2011 03:51 PM by Andrew Genser

Well, we knew this day was coming. And now it's finally here. Yes, Oprah's turned off the lights, closed the doors, packed up her vajayjay and gone home forever.

Fortunately, we've put together a touching montage to help us get through the early days of this brave new post-Oprah world. So sit down, relax and remember the goods time we had with a little lady who was, evidently, the dirtiest talk-show host in America...

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Pregnant in Heels, Hairless Between Legs

Thu, May 26, 2011 03:35 PM by Andrew Genser

Over on Pregnant in Heels, Rosie's assistant LT took a client to get waxed because, as is stated in reality-show law, every show must contain at least one genital-waxing clip per season.  

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Justin Bieber Releases New Odor

Wed, May 25, 2011 02:15 PM by Andrew Genser

Good news for people who want to smell like a teenage Canadian: Justin Bieber's new fragrance is being released! And here's the bizarre, for-some-reason-antigravity-themed commercial to prove it...

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A Surprise of Tall, Boring, Usually Invisible Proportions on The Oprah Winfrey Show

Wed, May 25, 2011 11:29 AM by Andrew Genser

On yesterday's Oprah Winfrey Farewell Extravaganza Hallelujah Oprah Is All Powerful Spectacular Part 2, the universe picked up where it left off in Part 1: thanking Oprah for saving humanity. And while the night was full of surprises for the one with the painin' vajayjay, by far the night's biggest surprise came when this guy took the stage...   

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Watch What Happens: Live: Which End Do Babies Come Out Of?

Tue, May 24, 2011 03:10 PM by Andrew Genser

On last night's Watch What Happens: Live, Real Housewives of New Jersey's real housewife of New Jersey Teresa Giudice was defending accusations that her ass was flat and crooked, when host Andy Cohen made a good point.

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The Bachelorette: Matt, Your Umbilical Cord is Showing...

Tue, May 24, 2011 01:20 PM by Andrew Genser

The Bachelorette premiered last night and reintroduced the world to former Bachelor reject Ashley Hebert. We know what you're thinking: "Ashley Hebert? Is she related to the mid 1980's to early 1990's quarterback of the New Orleans Saints, Bobby Hebert?" The answer, of course, is probably not. We'll Google it later.

But speaking of familial ties, last night Ashley met Matt, who decided this initial televised meeting was the perfect time for Ashley to meet his mother.

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Audrina: Shooting People in an Earthquake With Lynn Patridge

Mon, May 23, 2011 05:55 PM by Andrew Genser

Last night, Audrina's family went to a gun range because, of course, it's not enough just to put braindead, emotionally excitable people on TV, you have to put guns in their hands, too.

And it turns out Audrina's mom Lynn is a pretty good shot. Which should come in handy for the post-apocalyptic hellscape she thinks she may have to survive. 

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Former Teen Heartthrob David Cassidy Dead...ly Serious About Hating Richard Hatch on Celebrity Apprentice

Mon, May 23, 2011 11:36 AM by Andrew Genser

Last night was the finale of The Celebrity Apprentice, and John Rich won. Spoiler alert. Whoops, we may have done that backwards.

Anyway, all the once-aspiring apprentices were there, except of course, for Richard Hatch. See, Richard, who spent more than three years in prison for failing to pay taxes on his Survivor winnings, is once again back in prison, as a judge has ruled he still hasn't paid taxes on said winnings. And David Cassidy is extremely not sorry for him.

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Greece's Got Talent, Musically Gifted Crotches

Fri, May 20, 2011 04:44 PM by Andrew Genser

Sure, America's Got Talent, but it also has strict FCC guidelines. Fortunately Greece is lacking in the latter, which is why Greece's Got Talent was able to deliver to the world this clip we've creatively decided to call, "Two Greek Guys Playing Piano With Their Penises." If that's a little unclear, skip to around the 1:10 mark and it'll all make sense. 

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Good Day NY's Greg Kelly Reports the False Facts on the Schwarzenegger Scandal

Fri, May 20, 2011 03:22 PM by Andrew Genser

Good Day New York co-host Greg Kelly likes to look at things from a unique angle. Of course by "unique" we mean "incorrect." So let's check in with the honorable Kelly for his unique angle on the Arnold Schwarzenegger scandal. 

Evidently Arnold's biggest secret is that he was governor of Texas. Shocking.

GOT NEWS? If you see a goofy moment on your local news, let us know about it, and you might score a Soup t-shirt!