Nerve Wracker

Fri, May 17, 2013 09:40 AM by Shannon Lucas

Some people really go in for the snap-crackle-pop approach to relief that's offered up by chiropractors. On the other hand, many find this form of therapy a little too off-putting for serious consideration. For those in the latter category, we might recommend watching this commercial for Ryan Lee Chiropractic Center with the sound turned down. You may not get the full effect but you can still experience Mr. Lee staring into your soul, as he works his unorthodox brand of mojo.

 

 

Say what you will about chiropraxis but that magic Mr. Lee does to your gums and molars will make you feel like a million bucks. Or, at the very least, like a modestly compensated actor from Craigslist.

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GIF Exchange: Turning Tricks

Wed, May 15, 2013 04:12 PM by Shannon Lucas

We interrupt your regularly scheduled lampooning to bring you an earnest presentation of genuinely impressive human achievement. Do not worry; we're still cynical, sarcastic SOBs and will resume normal operations shortly. We're just in a good mood at the moment. The sun is shining, we got another show in the can, and Lou just had his first solid bowel movement in two weeks. Things are looking up! So let's celebrate with a gaggle of Anti-FAIL (i.e. WIN) GIFs, shall we?

This guy has a lot of really good friends. He had more friends before but frankly, they kept getting in the way of his dreams.

This next guy just has the one friend. Or arch-nemesis. It's hard to tell.

And this guy doesn't need any friends, to put him on a pedestal.

It's good to have at least one friend who doesn't mind you flipping out on them every once and a while. Just so long as you're willing to return the favor.

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Turkish Delight

Wed, May 15, 2013 11:18 AM by Shannon Lucas

Some of you may have encountered Sandu Ciorba before. Perhaps you're from Turkey or are just a big fan of unfortunate looking men who pair their crooning with green screens and disproportionately beautiful women. More likely though, you're among the unfortunate majority who have yet to experience his singular brand of seduction.

We don't speak Turkish but we're pretty sure we agree with everything Ciorba is singing about, in this syrupy ode to something or other, Mamaliga cu malai.

 

 

Ever since Starship Troopers, we've been eagerly awaiting the invention of the Space Violin. Now, it seems the dream has finally come true and, in the hands of this homely lothario, it's everything we could've hoped for and more. It practically plays itself! We're so glad to live in the future; the soundtrack is amazing.

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Preyed Upon

Tue, May 14, 2013 01:52 PM by Shannon Lucas

You're sitting on a peaceful lake, enjoying Nature's majesty and finally hooking a fish when, out of nowhere, an eagle dive-bombs in and steals your catch. What to do?

Go, "FUU--WAAAAAAH! AH! UGHH! Oh crap! CRAAAP! WAAH! WeeoAW! Whoo. Geez. Hah" and admit that you're just a visitor to the food chain, is what.

 

 

"Ima protected species biiiiiiiitch!"

That smug expression that eagles have probably comes from a lifetime of acting with impunity.

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Caption This!: F-150 Strike Eagles

Mon, May 13, 2013 05:09 PM by Shannon Lucas

Don't ever park in Gandalf the Grey's spot. Retribution is just one butterfly away.

THIS. SHALL. NOT. PASS!!!!

Have a better caption for this Hitchcockian tableau? Swoop on down to the comments section below to commence with your assault. The owner of the funniest and most original caption will be showered with buckets of praise, here and on our Facebook page. The contest concludes on Thursday at midnight, so please have your ideas in before then. Now, RUN YOU FOOLS!

via Cheezburger

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Mum To Mom

Mon, May 13, 2013 03:27 PM by Shannon Lucas

What did you get your Mother for Mother's Day? If you said 'nothing' don't worry: perhaps your Mom appreciates the fact that no effort is sometimes better than misguided effort. Or, at least that's what you can keep telling yourself.

Here's a few misfires you can point to, should you find yourself in the midst of a guilt trip. 

The Oedipal Defense: "I didn't send you flowers, Mom, but I also didn't try to sleep with you or gouge out my own eyeballs"

Followed by The 'Some Distance Is Healthy' Defense. As in, "I love you almost as much as I love the fact that I've never seen you poop."

If only it had been the #2 Reason...

At this point, we might as well keep the incestuous overtones ball rolling. Though, we should probably up the ante and make it even weirder somehow.

That did the trick. Throw some biological uncertainty into the mix. Works like a charm every time.

But why limit your examples to harmless misinterpretations and Freudian faux pas? Remind your dear Mother that some ungrateful children do make the effort but only for their own childish amusement.

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Caption This! Winner: Bad Boy

Fri, May 10, 2013 04:39 PM by Shannon Lucas

Another Friday, another Caption This! winner, divined by the Circle of Choosing. By some outrageous cosmic coincidence, the Circle's judgment hewed closely to the Internet's clear favorite. Ladies and gentlemen, your Honorary Sheriff for the day. Respect her authority.

Congratulations Becky! You have an eerie understanding of what makes us tick. Way to knock Seacrest down a few pegs, bringing his ego back on par with his eye line...assuming he ever reads this. Hopefully he never reads this. Dude's small but he's scrappy.

Thank you to everyone else who contributed. You went above and beyond the call of duty and spoiled us for choices. Keep it up! Another Caption This! will be rolling in hard on Monday.

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Band Recognition

Fri, May 10, 2013 02:28 PM by Shannon Lucas

Tattoos are one of those things in life that, once they get bad enough, they start getting good again. An exquisitely terrible tattoo can often be a thing of beauty. Like a bad car wreck or the third hour of The Today Show, we want to look away but find ourselves transfixed.

Nowhere is this more true than with a bad band tattoo. It's two regrettable decisions for the price of one. Not only do you have a murky blob of ink to haunt you in your latter years but also an increasingly illegible reminder of how poor your taste in music used to be.

So for those emblazoned with the names of bands whose CDs you lost more than a decade ago, this list of all-time worst band tattoos goes out to you.

First mistake: Nickelback tattoo. Second mistake: Highly visible Nickelback tattoo. 

Wow that's big. Not their best album though. Dark Horse is a little too derivative and clichéd to deserve that much torso real estate.

How did this end up on the list? That's a pretty sweet evil eye!

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Grist For the Mill

Thu, May 09, 2013 05:22 PM by Shannon Lucas

Treadmills are ostensibly for burning calories and gobbling the faces of the uninitiated. They have the potential to be so much more, though. Sure, you can run in place like all the other schlubs but why make working it and working out mutually exclusive? You can do both. You should do both. Just ask this guy who is flat out OWNING IT.

 

 

You may get some weird looks or a little unwanted Internet infamy but that's the price one pays for jogging outside of the box. Amanda Bynes knows what's up.

 

 

Perhaps she's not the best person to cite as a role model but her version of the Insanity workout does get results.

But if you're not one for jogging like nobody's watching, there's other ways to get some virtual mileage out of this time-honored torture device. As OK Go and their bajillion video views can attest to, treadmills also make for great set pieces.

 

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Sip-O-Soup 5/10

Thu, May 09, 2013 04:57 PM by Shannon Lucas

Once again, it's time to enjoy Wednesday night's show all over again but in teency tiny munchable bytes. We've got some primo GIFs for you so let's go ahead and get to it.

Kim Kardashian's catching some flak for her choice of apparel at the Met Gala. We're by no means the resident fashionistas but we still felt to compelled to weigh in.

We watched what happened on Watch What Happens Live, which put Rachel Maddow and Lil' JON together (because it had to be done) and then added some social lubricant to the mix. It went even better than expected.

We then checked in with Keke from R&B Divas and, true to form, she was expressing herself in the studio...more to the cameras than into a microphone.

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