CSI: Sesame Street
New criminal accusations that Elmo may have tickled too hard have threatened to destroy all of our childhood memories. But as it turns out, this isn't the first time a puppet has been accused of a crime.
Name: Animal
Crimes: Possession and distribution of felony amounts of methamphetamine
Suspect was caught behind a Togo's selling crystal meth out of a van owned by bandmate and accomplice Dr. Teeth. Suspect appeared to be under the influence himself, as evidenced by his frantic air drumming.
Name: Miss Piggy
Crime: Domestic Abuse
Suspect was detained after her common-law spouse was found bruised and battered. Spouse claims he "fell down the stairs," but tests reveal contusions in a manner consistent with multiple karate chops.
Name: Snuffleupagus, Mr. Aloysius
Alias: Snuffle-"upskirt"-agus
Crime: Voyeurism
Suspect was found using a scope camera to take unauthorized photographs up women's skirts with his snout. Suspect seemed to think the women couldn't see him and claims Big Bird must have ratted him out.
Name: Grouch, Oscar T.
Crimes: Hoarding, animal endangerment, violating toxicity codes
Suspect's home was searched after complaints were launched of a putrid smell. Authorities found over 2 million worms held against their will and the decomposing remains of a discarded baby.
Name(s): Bert & Ernie
Crime: Sex Trafficking
Suspects were found pimping out young women from their shared apartment. While maintaining the guise of a loving same-sex relationship, the reality was they were business partners. Bert had maintained an inappropriate relationship with one of their captives for many years.
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