Holy F--king Sh-t!
Today in Holy F**king Sh*t news, Snooki dyed her hair!!!! We know, we're just as shocked as you are. We are seriously flipping our sh*t over here!! It's like one second she had one hair color, and then all of a sudden she had a different hair color!!! Jesus, Snooks! Could you have at least have warned us that we were going to be up to our balls in breaking Snooki news today?!?
One of our reporters just cut his colonoscopy short, because a story like this can't f**king wait. Forget the interview with the Petraeus mistress and the in-depth analysis of the impending fiscal cliff. I need the brand and color of this hair dye STAT! Was it Garnier Red Light District, or Clairol Scarlett O'Hair-a? F**k, I can't focus, our phones are ringing off the hook.
I'm gonna blow this sh*t wide open. That Pulitzer will be mine, dammit!!!!