No doubt you're looking forward to the newly announced Die Hard 5: Wheelchair Armageddon. But until then, get a few thrills from the best of this week's Soup.
1. Sister Wives: Welcome to the sexy polygamy version of Lord of the Flies as one of the many wives dares to suggest possibly enjoying a life ever-so-slightly apart from the clannish Brown tribe. Watch out, sis!
One down, four to go.
According to unimpeachable source Levi Johnston, Sarah and Todd Palin slept in separate beds. But at least they skinned and gutted 12 point bucks together, which really keeps the sexy alive.
But so much for national news, you're here for the best of this week's Soup, and that's damn well what you're going to get.
1. Charlie Sheen: We can all breathe a sigh of relief now that there's no bad blood between Chuck and Ashton Kutcher. That's not to say that there wasn't blood and plenty of it!
One down, four to go. Make way for hilarity, folks!
It's hard to concentrate on anything other than what ABC news is calling The American Event of the Century—Kim Kardashian's wedding, not the new season of Hillbilly Handfishin' (but close). Still, if you can pull yourself away for a minute, enjoy these shining moments from your week's Soup.
1. Joel McHale: Your beloved Soup boss and Spy Kids 4 star showed up on Live With Regis and Kelly looking for laughs. Reeg, on the other hand, was looking for holy vengeance.
One down, four to go. Get a beer.
We know you're busy emptying your bank account on snazzy items from Home Shopping Network's Mariah Carey Collection (try the udder balm—you won't be sorry), but why not take a break and catch up on this week's finest moments in Soup?
1. Paranormal Challenge: Though interacting with terrifying spirits of the undead is what this show's all about, apparently no one's afraid of an encounter with host Zak Bagan's balls.
Keep going. Four more chances to snort.
It's been distracting news this week that Angelina Jolie was crowned Goodness Angel of the World (and it seems like just yesterday she was simply Queen of Carrying Billy Bob Thornton's Blood Around Her Neck), so if you've been consumed with that and missed your vital Soup, here's your look back at the best.
1. Good Morning America: If you like to see reporters look dumb on live national TV, click here.
If you're reading this, you're either one of the saved, ensconsed on a cloud in heaven eating Pringles Extreme Kickin' Cheddar chips for eternity and never getting fat, or the apocalypse didn't happen. Either way, enjoy the best of last week's Soup!
1. Dancing With the Stars: At this stage, judge Bruno's flair for drama is practically ho-hum, but the yawning stopped when the feisty Italian put a bee in Karina Smirnoff's bonnet after remarking on something in her pants. Hint: It doesn't purr.
Four more to go, kids!
It's that time again, folks. Silence your cell phones and enjoy the best of your Soup week.
1. Bethenny Ever After: When Bethenny Frankel signed up for Bethenny Ever After, a reality show in which camera crews would film her life for national television, apparenty she didn't realize that she was signing up for a reality show in which camera crews would film her life for national television. Them's the breaks.
One down, four to go!
Now that you're back from church, where you were praying furiously for God to make Charlie Sheen say some more crazy s--t, join us for a dip into the best of your week in Soup.
1. The Bachelor: Once the choosing of a life partner is over for most folks, it's all beer on the couch, TV dinners in bed and everlasting passion. Not for Brad Womack, however, who must confront miffed, also-ran Chantal and pretend he still cares. Which is apparently even harder than pretending he cared the first time around.
Four more to go, Soup fiends!
In case you were too busy to dig into every second of your Soup blog, let's sample the chunks that have floated to the top.
1. Jeopardy: This is a show that really sets a mind to thinking. Thanks to contestant Raya, this week we were thinking about the fact that there isn't a movie called Pussy Furry.
Don't stop now, kids. Four more to go!
Today may be a day of rest for some, but The Soup never sleeps. Let's bow down to the best of last week.
1. The Bachelor: Gang-dating a gaggle of women to find the one who's really and truly devoted to you is a demanding task for Brad Womack. Why not just get it over with and pick Michelle? After all, any lady who's willing to punch herself in the eye to get your attention's got to be a hell of a catch.
One down, four to go!
2. Ellen Degeneres: Joel stops by for a chat with Ellen. Need we say more? Alright, he also provides air-travel tips. It's much better than it sounds.
