Baby Beauty Breaks Bank on Toddlers & Tiaras
It takes a lot to keep three-year-old Brystol on a cutting-edge competitive level on Toddlers & Tiaras, and all those costumes don't come cheap.
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Toddlers & Tiaras: Daddy Wants to Bring Home the Bacon
In the intense, cutthroat world of Toddlers & Tiaras, if your tot doesn't take home the big prize, it's a major letdown.
That certainly applies not only to three-year-old Brystol, but to daddy as well...
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Toddlers & Tiaras: Mommy Calls 'Em as She Sees 'Em
Desiree is a 10-year-old with a dream: to use her delicate combination of bronzer, immobile hair and false-teeth smile to create the overall look of a southern weather newscaster and take the Gold Coast Pageant in Las Vegas by storm.
And mommy is rooting for her as she takes the stage...
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Soup Top 5: TWATP Star Paris Hilton Mad As Hell, but Will Actually Take It Some More
If you're still mulling over the news from Vanilla Ice that he "never badmouthed" Justin Bieber, and whether this means that he goodmouthed him instead, well, take a break and open wide for the best of this week's Soup.
1. Paris Hilton: The woman named after the City of Love was filled with hate for ABC reporter Dan Harris went he went all hardball on her during an exclusive news chat. Watch not-so-gay-Paris get into a huff, a snit and adopt a 'tude of general bitchery, all at once!
Keep clicking, and thus chuckling!
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Getting Brown Makes Baby Blue on Toddlers & Tiaras
As we all know, there's nothing worse than a pale little girl in a bikini, and in the toddler pageant world, the properly bronzed skin can separate the tiara wearers from the pathetic youngsters headed for an adulthood of therapy to determine where it all went wrong.
Which brings us to Toddlers & Tiaras, and lining up behind a '69 Dodge Dart to get a fresh coat of color.
Let Joel McHale explain it all...
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Toddlers & Tiaras Queen Calls It Quits on The View
At the age of six, veteran toddler pageant trooper Eden Wood is hanging up her tiara. Time to move on. Pursue other things.
And, as Lou Gehrig once bid the fans goodbye at Yankee Stadium with his legendary "luckiest man on the face of this Earth" speech, Arkansas' own Eden dropped by The View today to make her announcement, leaving us all with a smile and the gift of song.
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Toddlers and Tiaras Dad Bolsters Masculinity by Sewing Flowers on Dress
Warping your small daughter's self-worth, sorry, preparing your small daughter for a beauty contest takes a lot of work.
And while it's usually mommy doing all the heavy lifting, in this family it's a team parental effort...
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Condensed Soup: Blonde Ambition on Toddlers & Tiaras
TLC
Back in the old days, in a certain country that wanted to rule the world, being blonde-haired and blue-eyed was a positive boon. Now, in a certain country that wants to rule the world, apparently that combo is not so hot. At least in the world of toddler beauty pageants.
Let Joel McHale sort it all out for you...
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It's All About the Bucks on Toddlers & Tiaras
Though so many aspects of Toddlers & Tiaras are incredibly unappealing—the sick, twisted stage mothers, the irreparable damage to children's values, the sexing-up of innocent youngsters—it's nice to see that six-year-old Alyssa has learned what's important in life.
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Toddlers & Tiaras & Tiny Bladders
Over on Toddlers & Tiaras, little Ashley-Noelle has to go to the bathroom, but her dress is too big and there's no time, and ...
Well, you know where this is heading…
